A chaos filled inside me
No path is there to be seen
Everyday walking on a rough terrain
With nowhere to go, nowhere to reach
A quest of unknown territory
Feel a useless speck in a large scheme of life
Thoughts rampage and at the brink of insanity
Befuddle feelings and slow mind-numbing nothingness
Scary thoughts surround me everyday
Make me fall into deep pit
Complete meltdown and inability to face greatest life fears
Feed my addiction for perfectionism and measure my worthiness with material objects
No happiness, no contentment still I can find
Little do I know
In the midst of apprehension and uncertainty
I uncover my sense of purpose
All it takes a little digging to reveal the truth
In solitude, I seek solace
In solitude, I find myself
In solitude, I find God
The few lines above are my sentiments which I have gone through in the last few months. On the outside, I looked fine and healthy. But inside, a mysterious feeling was gnawing at me. I felt like my inner fear was slowly feeding on my soul. I was falling into a trap and nobody could see. I went under a cloak of invisibility. It was the time when I started listening and reading the materials that could inculcate some sense and relief to my mind and heart. And there it was, I read about Ishq Majazi (love for human) and Ishq Haqiqi (love for Allah). This made me see the world in a different perspective which I lost somewhere while living a meaningless life.
When you love a human, you have expectations and emotions which make you restless and anxious all the time. And with this love are associated desires and wishes that are endless. Your heart is always on the lookout for new things and there is no direction in your life. You are also likely to experience heartaches, discontent, sadness and a fear of being abandoned by your love in any time of your life.
On the other side, there is one true love which spreads tranquility in your life and that is the love of Almighty Allah. It is at the times of grief, one finds comfort in the remembrance of Allah. Love so pure and true that bring calmness in your life. Where ever you turn, you see Allah in every being and in every element of this world. The anxiety and distress are replaced by happiness and contentment. There is such sweetness and pleasure in the name of Allah that by repeatedly invoking His name, every sorrow is turned into joy.
The love so pure gives you direction and replace your heartaches with fulfillment which you may not find anywhere. This love enables you to forget about your self (Nafs) and think beyond your desires and do something meaningful. Your main and only aim is to attain closeness to Allah and to achieve that you perform acts that bring you closer to Allah.
This love is not easy to achieve and you may fail many times, you can lose your direction and there is a slight chance for you to bounce back to your old life. But not for long because the sweetness and pleasure this love has brought in your life, will not let you stay away. Perseverance, patience and tolerance are keys to success and this is what keeps you going throughout the life.
Embrace this love and allow to let go of all the negative feelings brewing inside you!