In Solitude, I Find Myself!

life hope 1

Photo credits: Online

A chaos filled inside me

No path is there to be seen

Everyday walking on a rough terrain

With nowhere to go, nowhere to reach

A quest of unknown territory

Feel a useless speck in a large scheme of life

Thoughts rampage and at the brink of insanity

Befuddle feelings and slow mind-numbing nothingness

Scary thoughts surround me everyday

Make me fall into deep pit

Complete meltdown and inability to face greatest life fears

Feed my addiction for perfectionism and measure my worthiness with material objects

No happiness, no contentment still I can find

Little do I know

In the midst of apprehension and uncertainty

I uncover my sense of purpose

All it takes a little digging to reveal the truth

In solitude, I seek solace

In solitude, I find myself

In solitude, I find God

The few lines above are my sentiments which I have gone through in the last few months. On the outside, I looked fine and healthy. But inside, a mysterious feeling was gnawing at me. I felt like my inner fear was slowly feeding on my soul. I was falling into a trap and nobody could see. I went under a cloak of invisibility. It was the time when I started listening and reading the materials that could inculcate some sense and relief to my mind and heart. And there it was, I read about Ishq Majazi (love for human) and Ishq Haqiqi (love for Allah). This made me see the world in a different perspective which I lost somewhere while living a meaningless life.

life hope 2

Online photo

When you love a human, you have expectations and emotions which make you restless and anxious all the time. And with this love are associated desires and wishes that are endless. Your heart is always on the lookout for new things and there is no direction in your life. You are also likely to experience heartaches, discontent, sadness and a fear of being abandoned by your love in any time of your life.

On the other side, there is one true love which spreads tranquility in your life and that is the love of Almighty Allah. It is at the times of grief, one finds comfort in the remembrance of Allah. Love so pure and true that bring calmness in your life. Where ever you turn, you see Allah in every being and in every element of this world. The anxiety and distress are replaced by happiness and contentment. There is such sweetness and pleasure in the name of Allah that by repeatedly invoking His name, every sorrow is turned into joy.

The love so pure gives you direction and replace your heartaches with fulfillment which you may not find anywhere. This love enables you to forget about your self (Nafs) and think beyond your desires and do something meaningful. Your main and only aim is to attain closeness to Allah and to achieve that you perform acts that bring you closer to Allah.

This love is not easy to achieve and you may fail many times, you can lose your direction and there is a slight chance for you to bounce back to your old life. But not for long because the sweetness and pleasure this love has brought in your life, will not let you stay away. Perseverance, patience and tolerance are keys to success and this is what keeps you going throughout the life.

Embrace this love and allow to let go of all the negative feelings brewing inside you!

 

Ranting: Clueless!

I am clueless about life. I don’t know where I want to go and what I want to do. It’s not like I don’t have goals in my life but most of the times I question myself is it worth it?

Apparently I look normal but  something is gnawing me deep inside which I have no clue of. This uncertainty is just melting away my vigor, my optimism in fact my whole being. I feel like a speck of dust in this immense universe who is useless, worthless and colossal failure.

Being clueless is not what I am proud of. I am not and I don’t know how it has crept into my system. Probably because I am far away from achieving my aim. Is it because of my fear or my habit of procrastination? I do know the answer but I don’t want to accept it.

I feel like my existence has no significance in this huge world

I am just a speck of dust in this immense universe

Every day is like a struggle for me

I am on a quest of nowhere

The self-realization is obscured under the burden of bafflement

Don’t know how long will it take me to find my path of self-discovery, my path of self-realization!

 

 

‘Unknown’ Quest

'Search of Life'

We ask this question once in a lifetime that why we are here in this world?  We are living in this world but we do not know the real reason of our subsistence. We all are running behind something but that ‘something’ is always out of our reach because we have never-ending desires which never quench our thirst.

Every so often, life seems to be meaningless; you are confused in between wrong and right but what is wrong for you; it maybe right for someone else. You try to justify with all the reasons even after that you are discontented with the answer. It is like a game of puzzle where you have to find your way through confounding mazes.  We pass different stages of life and every stage teaches us something but only those people learn who have an urge to gain wisdom.

The quest of finding oneself takes one’s whole life; many people travel the path of self-realization but only rare reach their destination. As a Muslim, we believe that our main goal is to live in this world according to the directives of Almighty but then everyone does according to their comfort zone. It is confusing because I am also in a perplexed state and the road to discover about my existence in this world makes me clueless…I know it makes no sense but then life also makes no sense…