Ranting: Clueless!

I am clueless about life. I don’t know where I want to go and what I want to do. It’s not like I don’t have goals in my life but most of the times I question myself is it worth it?

Apparently I look normal but  something is gnawing me deep inside which I have no clue of. This uncertainty is just melting away my vigor, my optimism in fact my whole being. I feel like a speck of dust in this immense universe who is useless, worthless and colossal failure.

Being clueless is not what I am proud of. I am not and I don’t know how it has crept into my system. Probably because I am far away from achieving my aim. Is it because of my fear or my habit of procrastination? I do know the answer but I don’t want to accept it.

I feel like my existence has no significance in this huge world

I am just a speck of dust in this immense universe

Every day is like a struggle for me

I am on a quest of nowhere

The self-realization is obscured under the burden of bafflement

Don’t know how long will it take me to find my path of self-discovery, my path of self-realization!




Television; bad habit or a way-out on my bizarre days!

Some day you feel good but some days are just simply boring. You lie on a couch, having a remote on one hand and your eyes fixed on television while you are constantly changing channels.  It just seems life has

Television: an addiction or way-out

Television: an addiction or way-out

reached at static state where you have nowhere to go. Yesterday was one of these days when I felt weary. Each part of my body was aching even though I had not exercise for a week.

Fortunately or unfortunately, my studies are over and I was so fed up of my job that I left it. Don’t ask a word how bad I feel now!! I remember my mother advised me not to make a hasty decision regarding job but I was on some high road that I didn’t listen my mother and even my father. They are very sweet as they always support me. Actually not always but especially from past four years; they finally realized I would not listen to them and do as I wished to do so why sweat? I do love my parents and also love my sister; my only sibling who is going to be married on December this year. It’s an exciting moment but still yesterday I felt a regular day which I used to feel when I didn’t achieve any goal in my life.

So, how to cope with all of my boredom and emotional turbulence? I reconnected with my old love and that is Television! People waste their time watching television just like me. I had a bad memory but I do remember that I always loved to watch TV; I was a movie buff and nobody could make me to do any work while watching movie. However, sadly this was not once in a week, in my free times I watched a lot of movies so that made every other day I suppose. So basically I wasted a lot of time; in my student years when I was in tenth grade and had my board exam paper I loved watching TV; even during 12th grade exams I had not prepared well for my papers but instead of studying , I prefer watching dramas or any stupid movie between gaps  in the board exam. Though every time I did make a decision to end this habit but on every exam I used to forget my commitment and fall for an idiot box. So my relation with television is quite old; in times of tension I start watching TV no matter what kind of shows  are broadcast or any flop movie is being telecast I usually sit like a couch potato and watch the whole show.  There were many times when instead of doing my job, I tried to run away and my best partner in crime or my excuse was TV.  Even while travelling I wasted my time watching television. Once I had to board plane in morning with family so in spite of helping my mother and sister with packing, I switched on the television and started watching mindless show just to release my tension. Yes! Its true I am afraid of airplanes or maybe I am afraid of travelling either it’s on plane or bus or rickshaw. Well the fear of travelling is just another issue which I will discuss some other time. For now, I just want to focus on my stress releaser that is television.  Moreover this is not all, when I used to go to work I watched TV most of the night in order to calm myself from all the troubles at my workplace.

It was a best medium for me to run away from my basic responsibilities or to cope with my emotional instability.  At times, I am free and there is a lot which goes in my mind so sometimes I want to just shut my brain off from thinking too much…When I feel friendless I find TV as a comforter where I can just zone out for a while by watching mindless entertainment. Going through a setback in life because of my stupid decisions which failed me in my career or life so instead of getting up and do something constructive, I feel so disheartened and I am scared to start over again. So not to face that kind of failure I feel content on watching TV because for me it’s best way to avoid any conflict in life. Maybe it’s a best way to escape from life’s predicaments.

Nevertheless, I was wrong because TV is an entertainment, one can watch for few hours to get relax but thinking it as a stress reliever is a bad idea.  It’s an absolute wastage of time and energy as well.  Does it givebnbt58_88 you any kind of benefit? Let’s just assume it gives you information in the form of news and infotainment, so yes at times it does, but that is just for a short while. Life does not revolve around television because it will only give you information but not food on your table, not even wash your dishes or clothes;  it cannot become your friend or let’s say it relieves you but that is for the time being and after that what will happen?  Your head starts spinning and a tinge of pain swelled up in your head that becomes unbearable to endure.  Besides it not only deteriorates health, it takes half part of your life. What happens when I turn old age and look back at my life to know that only I have learnt that how to make weddings entertaining or how to free a soul from evil spell by watching mindless morning shows; to add more, how in most of the Pakistani dramas show damsel in distress beautiful with spotless character who are ultimately saved by some charmer just like in Humsafar, however mostly I watched because of Fawad khan J as I found him cute. Rather I want to enjoy my own life and I want to remember my life’s own interesting experiences and smile over without any regret.

I know it’s easy to adapt bad habits and excessive of any bad habit can ruin anyone’s life. Therefore as a starter, I am coming to terms to initiate on slow basis; and have started to focus on broader aspects of life. Because I don’t want that my hairs turn grey without witnessing any excitement in my life. I want to live each moment of life and feel it.

Nothing is Permanent

I have always listened about downsizing but never experience it personally. Though, I never knew that it would be so depressing. It’s been a month and a half of my job; everything was going smoothly till last week, because this week I come across the most frustrating news and that is to lay off staffs from our office. The company I am talking is an online one, and the motive to slim down the staff is change in Google Policy; it has directly affected the HR policy of the company.  Soon the company realizes that people who are on-board are not good enough for the job, and for which reason the company needs more professionally sound staff in the marketing department, to promote their website on Internet.

It is not about slimming down the staff or hiring new ones, it is about the ambiance that is felt in the times of downsizing-a quite depressive atmosphere is observed all over the office. Even though everything is going at a normal routine but there is gloominess all around. The setback of ten people being reduced is not a small one; it is really huge number. However, for some it is not new because they have been working for long time and it has made them strong, they do not feel any grimness in the office, but for me as I am still a novice, this has really affected me. What is more miserable that even the permanent members; who have been working for three years are also targeted in this sad state of affair.  Working hard is the criteria to make your place in the line of your job, nevertheless at times; it may not be the case. However, mostly in private companies you witness this kind of shuffling which makes it clear that sometimes permanency does not provide assurance for your job. But then who is sure for the future.

This whole week has been in turmoil and it made me to come to the point that nothing is permanent in this world; it is only our false hope that makes us to build our house on sand, consequently it vanishes away as the water wipes it all away, and you are left alone with your tattered dreams… Having said that, not every tunnel has a darkness at the end and so we say, life goes on’ because that’s the way it works!


Relive your moments– Don’t let it pass by

You are born in this world and then you depart from here, what is left behind is the long journey you had during this time. Shakespeare imagined the world a stage, where everyone plays their character and then leaves when time finally come. Some leave early whereas some takes time. Though the time in between is what counts a lot, but in our journey, we are so imbibed in our daily routine that we forgo those moments which is actually a source of happiness to us. Moments that does not define our success or failure, it is only to revive us from our pitfalls which we faced while living a life.

What are those moments? And how do these moments become a source of happiness? To answer this, let me narrate a scene of a mother and child: when a child takes first step, this becomes one of the happiest moment for a mother even if she has gone through a bad day. Sounds cheesy! But this is a universal fact. Now move to a broader perspective; it’s your birthday and you did not expect anything to be grand because of your new place, but one of your colleagues’ give you surprise by giving birthday gift. Sometimes you are not expecting and you receive the biggest news of your life, which brings a big smile on your face. It is not important for something to be grand, a simple chit-chat at the dinner table in the evening with one’s family- a feeling of joy is surrounded with it.  There are many times where our joy is associated with our family, friends and bond shared between us. However, not only family and friends are the source of happiness, sometimes any scenery or any novel and even sighting birds are the reasons of your delight.

Having said that, the world is moving at fast pace and we all are in a rat-race of achieving high, criticizing each other by being harsh and taking our relationships for granted. We think that we can just have all these small moments at the end of our life because for now it’s just wasting our time, but that is it! How can we be so sure of having one of this later in our life? Therefore just have a cup of tea with your family, all sitting together and laughing their hearts out, because that is the pure contented life.

‘Unknown’ Quest

'Search of Life'

We ask this question once in a lifetime that why we are here in this world?  We are living in this world but we do not know the real reason of our subsistence. We all are running behind something but that ‘something’ is always out of our reach because we have never-ending desires which never quench our thirst.

Every so often, life seems to be meaningless; you are confused in between wrong and right but what is wrong for you; it maybe right for someone else. You try to justify with all the reasons even after that you are discontented with the answer. It is like a game of puzzle where you have to find your way through confounding mazes.  We pass different stages of life and every stage teaches us something but only those people learn who have an urge to gain wisdom.

The quest of finding oneself takes one’s whole life; many people travel the path of self-realization but only rare reach their destination. As a Muslim, we believe that our main goal is to live in this world according to the directives of Almighty but then everyone does according to their comfort zone. It is confusing because I am also in a perplexed state and the road to discover about my existence in this world makes me clueless…I know it makes no sense but then life also makes no sense…