In Solitude, I Find Myself!

life hope 1

Photo credits: Online

A chaos filled inside me

No path is there to be seen

Everyday walking on a rough terrain

With nowhere to go, nowhere to reach

A quest of unknown territory

Feel a useless speck in a large scheme of life

Thoughts rampage and at the brink of insanity

Befuddle feelings and slow mind-numbing nothingness

Scary thoughts surround me everyday

Make me fall into deep pit

Complete meltdown and inability to face greatest life fears

Feed my addiction for perfectionism and measure my worthiness with material objects

No happiness, no contentment still I can find

Little do I know

In the midst of apprehension and uncertainty

I uncover my sense of purpose

All it takes a little digging to reveal the truth

In solitude, I seek solace

In solitude, I find myself

In solitude, I find God

The few lines above are my sentiments which I have gone through in the last few months. On the outside, I looked fine and healthy. But inside, a mysterious feeling was gnawing at me. I felt like my inner fear was slowly feeding on my soul. I was falling into a trap and nobody could see. I went under a cloak of invisibility. It was the time when I started listening and reading the materials that could inculcate some sense and relief to my mind and heart. And there it was, I read about Ishq Majazi (love for human) and Ishq Haqiqi (love for Allah). This made me see the world in a different perspective which I lost somewhere while living a meaningless life.

life hope 2

Online photo

When you love a human, you have expectations and emotions which make you restless and anxious all the time. And with this love are associated desires and wishes that are endless. Your heart is always on the lookout for new things and there is no direction in your life. You are also likely to experience heartaches, discontent, sadness and a fear of being abandoned by your love in any time of your life.

On the other side, there is one true love which spreads tranquility in your life and that is the love of Almighty Allah. It is at the times of grief, one finds comfort in the remembrance of Allah. Love so pure and true that bring calmness in your life. Where ever you turn, you see Allah in every being and in every element of this world. The anxiety and distress are replaced by happiness and contentment. There is such sweetness and pleasure in the name of Allah that by repeatedly invoking His name, every sorrow is turned into joy.

The love so pure gives you direction and replace your heartaches with fulfillment which you may not find anywhere. This love enables you to forget about your self (Nafs) and think beyond your desires and do something meaningful. Your main and only aim is to attain closeness to Allah and to achieve that you perform acts that bring you closer to Allah.

This love is not easy to achieve and you may fail many times, you can lose your direction and there is a slight chance for you to bounce back to your old life. But not for long because the sweetness and pleasure this love has brought in your life, will not let you stay away. Perseverance, patience and tolerance are keys to success and this is what keeps you going throughout the life.

Embrace this love and allow to let go of all the negative feelings brewing inside you!


Love Is In The Air!


love is air

Online photo

Love is a feeling that can only be felt by those who have experienced it. 

Love is to be with the one through thick and thin.

Love is to feel save in a lover’s embrace. 

Love is to take care of each other. 

Love is not about saying ‘I love you’ it’s a feeling expressed through lover’s eyes. 

Love makes you fearless.

Love is selfless.

Love is to let go. 

Love is to wait for someone for the rest of your life and believe that one day it’s going to be worth it!

I know it will be…some day!

To Love And Be Loved!

life in perspectiveLast night, a random thought crossed my mind. When I shall leave this world who may shed tears on my funeral. My parents, sister and probably one or two of my closed relatives. That’s about it. I have a very small world which is good because less people you talk to, less drama in your life. But I also felt a pang of guilt that I am a selfish individual whose world revolves around I and myself. My parents and sister will feel sad because I am their blood. So it’s natural for them to feel that way.

Unfortunately, what is disheartening that I have never thought beyond my self. I have not helped any one ( and no monetary help is not what I am talking about). It’s about showing empathy to other people. I am not a bad person but in my life I have (intentionally) never thought to do something selflessly for other person. Not one moment I have given a thought to listen anyone or be there for a person. I always think that I don’t have friends in my down time but have I ever been there for them when they need me? Just to give a shoulder for them to cry on. The answer might be ‘No’… And not only friends, my fellow human beings. Doing something selflessly just to see them smile or even tears of joy makes all worth it. It’s as simple as that.

I believe that helping others is a great way to feel better about yourself. It can be a simple greeting with a smile, listen when someone talks, lend a shoulder to cry on, carry someone’s belongings to the top floor, run an errand for your aged neighbour, be a better friend or partner, cherish time with your parents, show concern to others and be compassionate, be gentle and generous even as simple as with compliments, be genuinely happy for others ( I know it’s hard but need to)… in simple words, find joys in giving and caring for others. Money buys you happiness but helping others will buy you contentment and satisfaction and probably few more people to shed tears on your funeral.

Television; bad habit or a way-out on my bizarre days!

Some day you feel good but some days are just simply boring. You lie on a couch, having a remote on one hand and your eyes fixed on television while you are constantly changing channels.  It just seems life has

Television: an addiction or way-out

Television: an addiction or way-out

reached at static state where you have nowhere to go. Yesterday was one of these days when I felt weary. Each part of my body was aching even though I had not exercise for a week.

Fortunately or unfortunately, my studies are over and I was so fed up of my job that I left it. Don’t ask a word how bad I feel now!! I remember my mother advised me not to make a hasty decision regarding job but I was on some high road that I didn’t listen my mother and even my father. They are very sweet as they always support me. Actually not always but especially from past four years; they finally realized I would not listen to them and do as I wished to do so why sweat? I do love my parents and also love my sister; my only sibling who is going to be married on December this year. It’s an exciting moment but still yesterday I felt a regular day which I used to feel when I didn’t achieve any goal in my life.

So, how to cope with all of my boredom and emotional turbulence? I reconnected with my old love and that is Television! People waste their time watching television just like me. I had a bad memory but I do remember that I always loved to watch TV; I was a movie buff and nobody could make me to do any work while watching movie. However, sadly this was not once in a week, in my free times I watched a lot of movies so that made every other day I suppose. So basically I wasted a lot of time; in my student years when I was in tenth grade and had my board exam paper I loved watching TV; even during 12th grade exams I had not prepared well for my papers but instead of studying , I prefer watching dramas or any stupid movie between gaps  in the board exam. Though every time I did make a decision to end this habit but on every exam I used to forget my commitment and fall for an idiot box. So my relation with television is quite old; in times of tension I start watching TV no matter what kind of shows  are broadcast or any flop movie is being telecast I usually sit like a couch potato and watch the whole show.  There were many times when instead of doing my job, I tried to run away and my best partner in crime or my excuse was TV.  Even while travelling I wasted my time watching television. Once I had to board plane in morning with family so in spite of helping my mother and sister with packing, I switched on the television and started watching mindless show just to release my tension. Yes! Its true I am afraid of airplanes or maybe I am afraid of travelling either it’s on plane or bus or rickshaw. Well the fear of travelling is just another issue which I will discuss some other time. For now, I just want to focus on my stress releaser that is television.  Moreover this is not all, when I used to go to work I watched TV most of the night in order to calm myself from all the troubles at my workplace.

It was a best medium for me to run away from my basic responsibilities or to cope with my emotional instability.  At times, I am free and there is a lot which goes in my mind so sometimes I want to just shut my brain off from thinking too much…When I feel friendless I find TV as a comforter where I can just zone out for a while by watching mindless entertainment. Going through a setback in life because of my stupid decisions which failed me in my career or life so instead of getting up and do something constructive, I feel so disheartened and I am scared to start over again. So not to face that kind of failure I feel content on watching TV because for me it’s best way to avoid any conflict in life. Maybe it’s a best way to escape from life’s predicaments.

Nevertheless, I was wrong because TV is an entertainment, one can watch for few hours to get relax but thinking it as a stress reliever is a bad idea.  It’s an absolute wastage of time and energy as well.  Does it givebnbt58_88 you any kind of benefit? Let’s just assume it gives you information in the form of news and infotainment, so yes at times it does, but that is just for a short while. Life does not revolve around television because it will only give you information but not food on your table, not even wash your dishes or clothes;  it cannot become your friend or let’s say it relieves you but that is for the time being and after that what will happen?  Your head starts spinning and a tinge of pain swelled up in your head that becomes unbearable to endure.  Besides it not only deteriorates health, it takes half part of your life. What happens when I turn old age and look back at my life to know that only I have learnt that how to make weddings entertaining or how to free a soul from evil spell by watching mindless morning shows; to add more, how in most of the Pakistani dramas show damsel in distress beautiful with spotless character who are ultimately saved by some charmer just like in Humsafar, however mostly I watched because of Fawad khan J as I found him cute. Rather I want to enjoy my own life and I want to remember my life’s own interesting experiences and smile over without any regret.

I know it’s easy to adapt bad habits and excessive of any bad habit can ruin anyone’s life. Therefore as a starter, I am coming to terms to initiate on slow basis; and have started to focus on broader aspects of life. Because I don’t want that my hairs turn grey without witnessing any excitement in my life. I want to live each moment of life and feel it.

‘Unknown’ Quest

'Search of Life'

We ask this question once in a lifetime that why we are here in this world?  We are living in this world but we do not know the real reason of our subsistence. We all are running behind something but that ‘something’ is always out of our reach because we have never-ending desires which never quench our thirst.

Every so often, life seems to be meaningless; you are confused in between wrong and right but what is wrong for you; it maybe right for someone else. You try to justify with all the reasons even after that you are discontented with the answer. It is like a game of puzzle where you have to find your way through confounding mazes.  We pass different stages of life and every stage teaches us something but only those people learn who have an urge to gain wisdom.

The quest of finding oneself takes one’s whole life; many people travel the path of self-realization but only rare reach their destination. As a Muslim, we believe that our main goal is to live in this world according to the directives of Almighty but then everyone does according to their comfort zone. It is confusing because I am also in a perplexed state and the road to discover about my existence in this world makes me clueless…I know it makes no sense but then life also makes no sense…