You Deserve To Be Happy…

 

madiha 1

Photo by the writer

Have you ever been in a situation where you feel you are no good? Has anyone made you feel worthless? Have you ever thought why you always feel bad about yourself? Are you doing right? Is all what is happening is your fault? Are you as bad as a person? Is something wrong with you?

These thoughts have all been with me for the past five to six years. Every day when you are told that you are a selfish person and you only think about yourself; gradually you begin to think that you are nothing but a useless person with no heart.

I had been there in that situation where I was constantly assuring and reassuring myself that it’s just normal to feel this way but fighting each day with these thoughts really consumed my energy.

Recently, Oxford Dictionaries has chosen toxic as its word of 2018. Toxic means poison and living in a toxic relation or environment suck the joy and happiness from within you and replace with anger and sadness. And who knows this better than me.

Let me tell you honestly, coming out of it was not an easy feat. It took me a while (read many years) to realise that I am not wrong but I am actually stuck in a wrong situation. The only thing which pulls me out of this mess was me! Yes, nobody can help you until you help yourself and that what I did. And the strength I receive, to do this, was one and only my Almighty Allah.

The best solution to come out of this poison is to surround yourself with your loved ones and say goodbye to those who add nothing but negative energy into your life.

  • Be with positive people, work and relation.
  • Explore the inner side of you which you have lost down the line.
  • Do not be scared to be on your own.
  • Learn to forgive yourself and the one who has inculcated toxicity in your life for your sanity (but don’t forget what that relation did to you).
  • Focus on the goodness in your life.
  • Keep in mind that you are not a bad person to leave this relation or environment, you have only done this for your mental and emotional stability.

And lastly, do remember, YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY!

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In Solitude, I Find Myself!

life hope 1

Photo credits: Online

A chaos filled inside me

No path is there to be seen

Everyday walking on a rough terrain

With nowhere to go, nowhere to reach

A quest of unknown territory

Feel a useless speck in a large scheme of life

Thoughts rampage and at the brink of insanity

Befuddle feelings and slow mind-numbing nothingness

Scary thoughts surround me everyday

Make me fall into deep pit

Complete meltdown and inability to face greatest life fears

Feed my addiction for perfectionism and measure my worthiness with material objects

No happiness, no contentment still I can find

Little do I know

In the midst of apprehension and uncertainty

I uncover my sense of purpose

All it takes a little digging to reveal the truth

In solitude, I seek solace

In solitude, I find myself

In solitude, I find God

The few lines above are my sentiments which I have gone through in the last few months. On the outside, I looked fine and healthy. But inside, a mysterious feeling was gnawing at me. I felt like my inner fear was slowly feeding on my soul. I was falling into a trap and nobody could see. I went under a cloak of invisibility. It was the time when I started listening and reading the materials that could inculcate some sense and relief to my mind and heart. And there it was, I read about Ishq Majazi (love for human) and Ishq Haqiqi (love for Allah). This made me see the world in a different perspective which I lost somewhere while living a meaningless life.

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Online photo

When you love a human, you have expectations and emotions which make you restless and anxious all the time. And with this love are associated desires and wishes that are endless. Your heart is always on the lookout for new things and there is no direction in your life. You are also likely to experience heartaches, discontent, sadness and a fear of being abandoned by your love in any time of your life.

On the other side, there is one true love which spreads tranquility in your life and that is the love of Almighty Allah. It is at the times of grief, one finds comfort in the remembrance of Allah. Love so pure and true that bring calmness in your life. Where ever you turn, you see Allah in every being and in every element of this world. The anxiety and distress are replaced by happiness and contentment. There is such sweetness and pleasure in the name of Allah that by repeatedly invoking His name, every sorrow is turned into joy.

The love so pure gives you direction and replace your heartaches with fulfillment which you may not find anywhere. This love enables you to forget about your self (Nafs) and think beyond your desires and do something meaningful. Your main and only aim is to attain closeness to Allah and to achieve that you perform acts that bring you closer to Allah.

This love is not easy to achieve and you may fail many times, you can lose your direction and there is a slight chance for you to bounce back to your old life. But not for long because the sweetness and pleasure this love has brought in your life, will not let you stay away. Perseverance, patience and tolerance are keys to success and this is what keeps you going throughout the life.

Embrace this love and allow to let go of all the negative feelings brewing inside you!

 

Book Review: I Have Lost My Way

i have lost my way

Photo by the writer

“They maybe complete strangers, with different lives and different problems, but there in that examination room they are measuring sadness the same way. They are measuring it in loss.”

The excerpt is taken from Gayle Forman’s latest novel ‘I have lost my way’. The novel is about friendships, taking chances and transforming your loss into your gain.

Has it ever happened with you that you are lost? By lost I don’t mean you lose your way to home; what I mean is that you are lost, you are at crossroads where you don’t know where to go from here. You are standing at the tipping point and you need a clue or hint from anyone any where so that you can find your pathway.

The story revolves around three young adults, Freya, Nathaniel and Harun, who have never met, find themselves in the same spot, connected to one accident in a park in New York City.  Even though they belong  from different backgrounds, different families and different lives; the only link that join them together is the quest for their identity and be content with who they are.

Freya, an up-and-coming singer, is hurt because she has lost her voice. She didn’t know what to do because this is the only thing she is good at. Harun has lost the love of his life. Nathaniel has lost the most important person to him, his father.

What is the instant connection is that all three are going through the grief in their lives. But there is also sense of fear in all of them. Freya is scared that what if she can never sing and she may lose her fans which she gains in a short time period. Harun is devoted to his family but feels the need to run away to be who he truly is, and Nathaniel has lived his whole life alone with his (mentally unstable) father who due to overdosing lost his life. He is here in New York all alone with a secret which I cannot share as it will reveal the end of the story.

The story takes place over the course of one day and is broken up with flashbacks that reveal how three teenagers have all lost something important to them. All three meet by coincidence, but they understand each other so well. And in a one day span, they have become each other’s strength; and a lighting guide for each other to help find their lost path.

I also like the diversity in the characters. Freya is a half-Ethiopian girl who has a complex relationship with her older sister, Sabrina. Harun, a Pakistani boy, is figuring out how to reconcile his sexuality with his family’s religion. He’s expected to marry a Muslim girl, but Harun is hopelessly in love with his ex-boyfriend, James. Nathaniel is blind in one eye and struggling with depression after his father’s death. All his life, Nathaniel has coped with his father’s strange childlike tendencies: his inability to live in reality and his insistence that they are a ‘fellowship of two like Frodo and Sam’ in The Lord of the Rings.

I finished this novel in two sittings and though it is slow at the start, it gains its pace after few pages. This is the first time I have read Gayle Forman and I would say she writes very well. Forman has touched on human emotion and connection; her writing is lyrical and riveting which keeps one hooked to the novel till the last page. Although this story targets young adults, I am sure young minds will love this novel and probably few adults like me as well.

I will rate this novel 3.5/5.

 

 

 

Love Is In The Air!

 

love is air

Online photo

Love is a feeling that can only be felt by those who have experienced it. 

Love is to be with the one through thick and thin.

Love is to feel save in a lover’s embrace. 

Love is to take care of each other. 

Love is not about saying ‘I love you’ it’s a feeling expressed through lover’s eyes. 

Love makes you fearless.

Love is selfless.

Love is to let go. 

Love is to wait for someone for the rest of your life and believe that one day it’s going to be worth it!

I know it will be…some day!

Book Review: After You by Jojo Moyes

“Far easier for you to just stick with that depressing little job and complain about it. Far easier for you to sit tight and not take a risk and make out that everything that happens to you is something you could not help.”

How do you move on after losing your loved one? How one builds a life worth living when a person you loved truly leaves you in the midst?

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Photo Collage: After You

Losing someone you love is very painful and grief is a natural response to loss. On top of grief and pain, you are forced to make changes that you are not prepared to make. It becomes hard to keep your life in line. You are supposed to look forward and let go of the past. You have to move on without feeling like you are betraying the one you have lost.

I was very anxious to read the sequel after reading the first novel ‘Me Before You’. In the first book, the quadriplegic Will wish to end his own life. Louisa Clark worked as caretaker of Will. Both fell in love for each other but probably not hard enough to change his mind.

In the second novel ‘After You’; Will’s death devastated Lou and she had no idea what to do

with her life.  Lou tried to cope with her loss and how grief had consumed her? How did she tackle Will’s death?

All these questions were brewing in my mind. ‘After You’ is an answer to all my answers about Lou’s life. It’s true that we cannot forget our love but once a person dies we cannot die with that person. We have to move on for our sanity. We need to take chances because we are still alive and life is short so to speak.

The novel is all about Lou’s journey, a bumpy process of accommodation to loss and the fear of starting over. She is stuck in a bartender job which she abhors; she wallows in her apartment in London until an accident forces her to be around her family and to try to move on.

There are two new characters that change her life. Sam who works as a paramedic who disentangles her from downstairs neighbor’s canopy and Lily, the teenager who barges in her home and in her life unexpectedly, claiming to be a daughter of Will. These two characters help her emerge from the dark place she is in.

‘After You’ has taken me on yet another roller coaster ride of emotions. I don’t know how the author does it, tackling death and the void it can leave us but Moyes has created absolute gems; she has a knack for breaking your heart before restoring your faith in love. Her innate ability to describe damaged people with complex lives is just brilliant. One would fall in love with weepy bits and witty bits.

The first series is a tear-jerker where the love evokes a  sense of desolation whereas the second one helps in making peace with the past and moving on and in doing so, it reminds us that ‘Life goes on!’

As per Moyes in her own words: “That’s life. We don’t know what will happen. Which is why we have to take our chances while we can.”

Book: After You

By Jojo Moyes

ISBN 978-1-405-90907-5

Pp 406

Book Review: Me Before You

“You only get one life. It’s actually your duty to live it as fully as possible.”

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Photo By Me

When I start reading this novel, I thought it to be another love story but I never know that it would provoke an emotional typhoon within me that is just beyond my imagination.

Me Before You is a page-turner that gives the reader one hell of an emotional ride. This book spun its magic around me and encompassed me in it. While delving into the lives of Lou and Will, I was overwhelmed with emotions; there was not one line in the whole book I didn’t love.

Reading about the six months tenure that Louisa Clark and Will Traynor spent together made me laugh and cry. I laughed on many occasions and there were times my tears would roll down my cheeks and this would continue till the end of the story.

It is a moving tale of two lives that intertwined in such a way that both Lou and Will never realized. 26-year-old Lou is a simple girl who needs a job after she was being laid off from the tea shop ‘The Buttered Bun’. Will’s mother requires a carer for her son who is suffering from quadriplegia after an accident- a condition caused by severe injury in which patient is unable to move any part of his body below his shoulders. Because of his condition, Will longs for death and wants to go to Switzerland to put an end to his misery.

Enters in Lou in the gloomy life of Will who tries to brighten up his life with her quirky nature and weird fashion. Both change each other’s lives for good. She elevates his mood and he introduces her to the finer things in life such as classical music and foreign films. She chides him to be more positive as she communicates with other quadriplegic online to learn their special needs and expectations. He encourages her to live to her potential and expand her horizons.

During her six months stay, she gets to know about Will’s motive of taking up his life. Horrified by this discovery, Lou sets out to improve his life and give him a reason to live and look forward to each day.

As an outsider probably I would not agree with Will’s decision to go for euthanasia but then

me before you

Can’t stop reading!

going through his life before his accident, would justify his motive. He was a debonair man who could sway over anyone with his smile and easygoing attitude. Unfortunately the accident took away his everything and he could not accept to be weak and dependent, bound in some wheelchair for his whole life.

Meanwhile, Louisa’s character somewhat goes beyond that of a struggling middle-class girl. She may be light and cheerful on the exterior, but inside there’s an unshakeable tinge of tragedy about her. She’s never really ventured beyond the small town she lives in. There are economic restraints, but it’s more than that. It’s a phobia of not playing safe. Louisa was sexually assaulted by a group of men in her teenage days, and in an emotional moment in the novel, she returns to the scene of the assault with Will and explains her trauma. It’s this plot line, perhaps in the novel that gives the most insight to Louisa as a character.

It was a tear-jerker read; what struck me was their love for each other. Love doesn’t destroy you rather it tries to make a better and improved version of you. Love doesn’t suffocate you, it let you fly high and let go of the fear and this is what Lou and Will did for each other! The relationship between them is told in such a wonderful way and develops through several stages, each filled with hilarity.

me before you 1

Just Live!

Jojo Moyes has beautifully crafted the story which is funny, utterly engaging and blissfully romantic. The novel is also adapted for the major motion picture starring Emilia Clarke (Louisa) and Sam Claflin (Will) however,  I am kind of person who does not believe in making a movie out of an enchanting and heart-wrenching novel.

To be honest, I have not stopped thinking about this book since I put it down!!I know it will stay with me for a very long time. And I want to give warning to all those readers who want to read this book, it’s better you avoid reading in public because crying in public is apparently a weird thing to do.

I rate this novel 4.5 out of 5

Me Before You

By Jojo Moyes
Penguin Random House, UK
ISBN: 978-0-718-18118-5
481pp.